On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
