I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
