people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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