when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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