we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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