But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
