And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
