Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
