I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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