mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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