...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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