its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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