I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
