Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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