There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
