The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
