I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I can't turn off my feet"
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I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me