hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
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I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
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Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?