i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
