I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest