Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night