The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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