as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
