I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
