There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Randomize
