i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Are we still banned from the library?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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