seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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