Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
