why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
