It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
