home. puking in laundry basket.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
