his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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