I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
