Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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