Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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