OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
