just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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