Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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