Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
