i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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