My first STD was from a foam party
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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