no, he came in my armpit
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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