god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
