laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
