using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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