He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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