also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
