I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
