He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
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I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
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And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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