Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she smelled like a LAN party
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
