So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
