Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
