Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
