I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
