Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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