shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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