My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
