I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
