He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
