Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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