Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
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Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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