Your face is a jimmy john
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
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my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
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Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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