You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
