you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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