At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
