Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
